I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
