i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
