I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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