my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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