drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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