it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
