just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
