You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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