My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
