i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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