Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
