she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
