what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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