it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
