life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
