Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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