if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
