just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
