dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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