i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
