Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
