its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
