turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
