I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
