Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
