Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
