dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
