we have pet lesbian snakes
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
