3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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