it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize