Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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