I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
