Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize