We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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