Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I want to be your penis for a week.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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