I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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