Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
