at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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