Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
