He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
