In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
