My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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