so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
