You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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