Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
