Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
