Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
