His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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