Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i believe in u and ur pee
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
