Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
