Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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