Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
