i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
