There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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