There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
