i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize