saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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