I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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