Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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