we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
