I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
