He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can you bring me the toilet please
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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