So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
