is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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