i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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