I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
