Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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