Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
