He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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