He is like the real live version of the state fair..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
