I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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