checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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