True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
